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Sic Semper Tyrannis

Monday, February 09, 2009


Answers to Zogby's all-important questions:

1. Only if animals are allowed to barbecue and eat their lawyers at the end of the litigation.

2. Sunstein is right; we should stop eating meat because it's bad for us. I vote we start as soon as Sunstein and everyone in the new administration stop eating meat.

3. Is this a trick question? Everyone knows that you'd have to clean up the hurricane coast to get oil refineries back online - you can't just put those things willy-nilly in Ted Kennedy's backyard. Even Obama knows there's no point in putting good money into Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, or Florida. Plus, green is my favorite color in a car, although I'm not sure why we need to spend money to develop new kinds...

4. This follows a precise formula: undocumented worker = slave. slave = unpaid. Therefore undocumented workers don't get paid.

5. I'm gonna have to follow the advice of those in the financial industry and who thus know more about this than I do. I would put the money into liquid assets, lobby Congress for $1 billion to shore up my failing profits, then take my cronies to the Bahamas for an executive retreat to brainstorm how we got into this prediciment.

6. This one clearly targets the poor. The only people who need those stupid boxes are non-cable subscribers, ie people not making the minimum welfare payout. So all you want to get them is a converter, and leave them with that crappy 19" tv? Pony up and buy them big screens, you bigots!

7. This one works if you don't tell the people, and just call it a holiday for cows with so many years on the job (thereby appeasing Sunstein and his animals-are-people-too politics). Also, this only works if it doesn't affect ice cream prices.

8. Man, this Zogby guy is dumb. "Fair" means everybody gets some. Geez, do your homework, Mr. Think Tank Guy.

9. Frankly, I'm surprised by this last one, since Acorn and those women voters were such a problem during the election. So I vote against Acorns and women voters. Or do I vote for them? How about you give me the money and I'll take care of it, since I'm the only one around here who understands what fair is.