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Sic Semper Tyrannis

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Dear God What Is That Thing?

Why, it's a Peruvian Hairless Dog, "a bald and often toothless breed popular among Incan kings."

See, the President-elect promised his daughters a dog. They've got allergies in the family, though, so their options are limited.

The "Friends of the Peruvian Hairless Dog Association" has, therefore, offered them a puppy. A very, very ugly puppy whose brain appears to be exposed to the open air.

Good thing it's an independent group making the offer. If it was the actual government of Peru, I'm pretty sure this would amount to an act of war.

Just imagine: you're 10 years old. Dad has promised you a puppy, and you know he'll come through. You just know it. It's taking a while, yes, but every time you ask, he says "yes, honey, just be patient."

And then, the big day. Dad comes in carrying a box - a small box, with holes in it. There's something in's gotta be the puppy!

Think back to the level of excitement you could achieve when you were 10. Explosive, volcanic levels of excitement. That's where you are right now, because it's a puppy! And it's gonna be cute, and cuddly, and it'll jump on you and lick your face and it'll sleep in your bed no matter what your stupid sister says so you rush over to the box, throw off the lid, and...

Cue the nightmares. The therapy, too. Lots and lots of therapy.