2006 BBA Predictions

In the fine spirit of prognostication, I asked the BBA to set up predictions for 2006. All of these are non-binding, and all were a heck of a lot of fun to write I'm sure.

Here's a glimpse into some of the Crystal Balls of the Badger Blog Alliance.

Wendy - Boots & Sabers

Here are my 2006 predictions:

-- The Packers will get a new head coach. (My tender self-esteem requires that I get one prediction right.)

-- The following will pass in Wisconsin: TABOR (or whatever Grothman decides to call it), concealed carry, gas, and Brett Favre. Only one of those won't be screamed down by the governor.

-- A prominent Wisconsin blogger will become a parent either for the first time or again (and if this doesn't come true, I'm going to change that to "apparent." Nearly EVERYTHING can be blamed on typos, you know).

-- Tom Cruise's baby will be born and it will be an alien. He and what's her face won't marry.

-- Tim Michels will decide to save himself the embarrassment and not run for US Senate against Herb Kohl. Kohl will be disappointed because he likes it when men bend over and take it from him. (Okay, that's naughty. I'm sorry.)

-- Owen will finally get me diamond earrings for our anniversary.

-- OJ Simpson will prove his critics wrong by finding his ex-wife's and her friend's killer on the 7th hole at some golf course in Florida. After his exoneration, he will start a support group for NFL players who "didn't do it." Ray Lewis will become Secretary AND Treasurer. The Minnesota Vikings are in charge of recruitment.

-- The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel will publish three-no wait-two-no-one nice sentence--make that phrase--about Scott Walker. (You know, every predictions
list has to have a long shot.)

Happy New Year!

Lucas - Wild Wisconsin

1. Before the summer primary, two more people will decide to run for the governor's seat, while two other people will decide NOT to run for Senate against Herb Kohl. One of the Republicans that looses the primary for governor turns around and becomes the candidate for Senate.

2. Those who oppose traditional marriage launch the biggest effort yet to defeat a state marriage amendment in Wisconsin. It includes gigantic spending fund from out of state, and below the belt accusations of hatred and violence against any who disagree with them. The marriage amendment still passes with high numbers with the effort of the most basic grassroots organization.

3. Property taxes continue to rise. Doyle scratches his head publicly while he privately calls the teacher's union for more campaign cash. They give it.

4. School choice becomes hot.

5. Every political campaign this fall has a blog.

Fred D - Real Debate Wisconsin

-- Oscar rules will be re-written to only allow movies featuring gay characters to be nominated. Disney changes the script for Toy Story III the new sub-title. Buzz Loves Woody.

-- Jim Doyle uses his line item veto power to change new ethics laws. By lining out key letters and punctuation the new provision says, Whatever I want, and if you dare ask me any questions I can throw a snit.

-- 25 UW Madison students vanish this spring. A large theory breaks out that President Bush ordered them taken into custody for having attended an anti-war rally in 2003. In truth it turn out the students were on Spring Break in Daytona, Xoff manages to find a creative way to blame Scott Walker for the misunderstanding.

-- WISN radio replaces Limbaugh, Belling and Hannity with Air America programming. Station program manager Jerry Bott is indicted on conspiracy charges when it is discovered he had $200,000 suddenly appear in his checking account courtesy of WTMJ radio. Mark Belling leads an successful attempt to buy AM 1250 and becomes a full-time sports know it all.

-- Milwaukee and Dane County ballots come in 283,471 higher than the number of registered voters. Joel McNally still says this does not point to any vote fraud. Charlie Sykes ruptures his vocal cords finally losing his temper on the air claiming McNally must of killed all but 7 brain cells in the 60's. McNally celebrates by finally updating his hairstyle.

-- Jay Bullock makes a last ditch write in effort for himself for Governor upon realizing there is no third party candidate to swing the results towards Jim Doyle. DailyKos gets behind the effort and arranges a world-wide write in absentee vote for the Folkbum. Jay wins and holds the biggest drinking liberally party ever, at Camp Randall Stadium.

Jib - Jiblog

My psychic powers were a little bit exhausted from my previous predictions at Jiblog, but I got out the crystal ball while channeling the spirits of Harry Houdini for a few more that center largely on the Badgersphere.

1. A new voter scandal hits the scene when bloggers break the news that the DPW tried to buy votes for Governor Doyle in the '06 Governor's race. The voters targeted are middle aged, balding males, and the payments are made in Rogaine.

2. The blogs XOff and Folkbum will merge. The resulting blog is named FolkOff.

3. Wisconsin environmentalists press for new legislation requiring the Wisconsin dairy herd to be fitted with cowtalytic converters to reduce their emissiongasess.

4. After exhausting his vast supply of material on bodily wastes and fluids, Dennis York again retires from blogging. He re-unretires when he realizes that he hasn't even broken into his fart material yet.

5. Belle of Leaning Blue graduates and decides to reveal her true identity. Wisconsin is surprised to learn that Belle never leaves home without her mask on.

6. My stone cold lock prediction of 2006: Jed of Boots & Sabers will buy a gun.

7. After months of posting show prep suggestions for Charlie Sykes, Sean at The American Mind attempts a coup against Sykes' producer. The coup fails when Sean is distracted by the wiley WTMJ news personality Michelle Kotecki.

8. Scandal rocks the Badgersphere when it is revealed that James Wigderson has neither a library nor a pub.

9. Sanna Central will continue to scoop Jiblog on breaking Leinie's news. I will go on a thirst strike in an effort to force the Leinenkugel family to funnel news to me. My thirst strike will last 23 minutes.

10. The UW Madison bloggers will challenge the Marquette University bloggers to a drinking contest for Wisconsin college blogging supremacy. One new blogger from UW Whitewater will crash the party and drink them all under the table. Said new blogger will then single handedly start the first ever blog riot after the Packers win their first preseason game.

11. Russ Feingold will officially not announce his interested non-candidacy for the the Vice Presidency of the United States. Also has his name legally changed to Maverick Russ Feingold.

Tee Bee - Guide to Midwestern Culture

-- Hollywood, needing a major cash infusion after the successes of Brokeback Mountain, Herbie: Fully Loaded and Are We There Yet? will pump out ten super-hero action films - starting with X-Men 3 and most likely moving up the schedule on the third segment of the gripping Spider-Man saga, among others.

-- Lois J. Frankel, the Mayor of West Palm Beach, Florida, will win the Tri-state lottery, and it will subsequently be revealed that she is the birth mother of Luke and Owen Wilson, who talk her into coming to Hollywood to spend time getting to know them. She taps Chelsea Clinton to finish her term and position her to challenge Jeb Bush's hand-picked successor Tom Gallagher in the fall gubanatorial race.

-- Democrats will continue to create "ethics" scandals by pushing "insider" books that twist normal government functions into corruption charges. There will be at least one new special committee and a new grand jury inquiry into otherwise normal and necessary acts of national security. A single indictment will follow.

-- A few Dems will benefit from this in the 06 election cycle. They will regain marginal control of the Senate.

-- Sad but true, University of Wisconsin's football team - Go Badgers! - will join the Packers in obscurity by failing to earn a post-season playoff berth.

-- Again, I will blame it on security officials barring attendance by the team's unofficial mascot, Crazy Hat Guy, for unspecified reasons.

-- Zarqawi will not be captured. Bin Ladin sightings, however, will occur frequently and in unexpected places, such as Swiss skiing resorts and the Bahamas.

-- The speedo men's swim thong will become a trend among Door County summer residents.

-- New York will declare Festivus an official state holiday. Schools will be encouraged to have pageants where students perform "Airing of the Grievances" ceremonies, followed by "Feats of Strength" activities by the teachers.

-- Marijuana will be legalized in the Netherlands. It's already legal, but this will be forgotten by lawmakers and new legislation will be introduced.

Kevin - Lakeshore Laments

-- The Milwaukee Brewers have a stellar season, missing out on the playoffs as the NL Wild Card by losing the final game against the St. Louis Cardinals. Home attendance is over 3 million for the season.

-- Hollywood will have not learned its lesson on killing good TV shows by making bad movies based on them. Full-length versions of ALF, Spencer for Hire, and The A-Team are given the ‘green light.’

--Peg Lautenschlager survives the Democratic Primary for A.G. against Kathleen Falk. She then goes on to lose the General election to J.B. Van Hollen.

-- In celebration of its 25th Anniversary, MTV will return to its old format of 24/7 music videos for a week. The current generation of teenagers will wonder what these things called “music videos” are when they tune in.

-- Justice Stevens will retire from the Supreme Court, creating another vacancy before the 2006 mid-terms.

-- Gwen Moore will be a character witness in her son’s trial for the 2004 Election’s Eve tire-slashing. Upon hitting the witness stand she will be immediately declared a hostile witness – by the Defense.

-- A freak accident involving a beaver, a cheese wheel, and a Swedish masseuse causes Governor Jim Doyle to grow a full head of hair. This causes him to lose the ‘Bassett hound’ image, but it costs him dearly among the vast voting group in Wisconsin that is bald, or balding men.

-- Sen. Herb Kohl’s re-election campaign is another coronation. However, when he re-takes the Oath of Office the batteries in the Kohl-Bot die suddenly, leaving “Herb” silent. No one notices the difference.

--Mark Green wins both the GOP Primary and the Governor’s Mansion.

--Iran will either test a nuclear bomb or Syria will have a populist coup. Both seem likely however.

-- Given the continued reports of his campaign finance troubles, all the money he’s been pooling from WEAC, the tribes, and Lord knows who else, actually becomes the problem; not the solution, to Governor Doyle’s re-election campaign.

-- Yasser Arafat remains at room temperature. No one of any value misses him.

And that's that. We'll find and delete this post in November 2006 just to make sure no one can hold us to any of it.

Have a nice day.