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Sic Semper Tyrannis

Friday, March 02, 2007

Martian Melting Explained

Some of you have recently discovered that there is evidence of the polar ice caps on Mars melting. You've predicted that this spells doom for the human-caused global warming theory.

Unfortunately, it just isn't so. Using high tech imaging from the Hubble telescope, I've pieced together a theory that explains how WE are causing the polar ice on Mars to disappear. That's right, it's OUR FAULT. Observe:

The above image is a recreation of how the suns rays reached Mars before the industrial revolution, when mankind started spewing greenhouse gasses into the atmosphere. Actual cave drawings found in remote sites in England make a vague reference to the correctness of this model, if you lick a toxic toad before observing them.

Now, here is what the solar model looks like today:

Can you see that? Man made greenhouse gasses have a higher index of refraction than greenhouse gasses from nature (because they are evil). The artificial greenhouse gas content in the atmosphere is turning the Earth into a giant magnifying glass. The sun's rays are striking Mars like a laser beam, soon it will be the hottest planet in the solar system. We will have destroyed it without ever even setting foot on the surface.

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