Woman Steals Daughter's Identity

Folks, we can't make this stuff up.

A Green Bay woman is in jail facing felony identity theft charges for stealing her daughter's identity, enrolling in an area high school and attempting to join the cheerleading squad.

GREEN BAY, Wis. (AP) -- A 33-year-old woman is charged with stealing her daughter's identity to attend high school and join the cheerleading team. Wendy Brown, of Green Bay, faces a felony identity theft charge after enrolling in Ashwaubenon High School as her 15-year-old daughter, who lives in Nevada with Brown's mother.

"The defendant stated she wanted to get her high school degree and be a cheerleader because she had no childhood and was trying to regain a part of her life she missed," according to the complaint.

She allegedly attended cheerleading practices before school started, received a cheerleader's locker and went to a pool party at the cheerleading coach's house.

A high school employee, Kim Demeny, told authorities that the woman, posing at the teen, seemed very timid, told her she was not good in math and even cried when she talked about moving from Pahrump Valley High School in Pahrump, Nev. Demeny said she looked older than a student, but he believed her demeanor was consistent with that of a high school girl.

A school liaison officer started investigating Monday after Brown only showed up for the first day of classes last week, the complaint said.

Assistant Principal Dirk Ribbins later learned Brown's daughter was enrolled at Pahrump Valley High School. Ribbins also spoke with Brown's mother who told him she had custody of the girl. She also said Brown has a history of identity theft crimes, the complaint said.

That's in addition to this story out of Arizona where a child sex offender passed himself off as a 12 year old boy and enrolled in several schools before getting caught. The booby prize? 70½ years in the Crowbar Hotel.

These two would make a perfect pair. A perfect pair of what, I don't know.

Call The Food Police Next Time

Someone needs to call this guy's village and tell them their idiot has been located.

A man — clearly not an employee of NASA or a graduate of MIT — called 911 not once but twice because a Subway restaurant left the sauce off his sandwich.

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (al-AP) - Jacksonville police say Reginald Peterson needs to learn that 911 is not the appropriate place to complain that Subway left the sauce off a spicy Italian sandwich.

Police said the 42-year-old man dialed 911 twice last week so he could have his sub made correctly. The second call was to complain that officers weren't arriving fast enough.

Subway workers told police Peterson became belligerent and yelled when they were fixing his order. They locked him out of the store after he left to call police.

When officers arrived, they tried to calm Peterson and explain the proper use of 911. Those efforts failed, and he was arrested on a charge of making false 911 calls.