Milwaukee violent crime problem? Solved.

As we all know, Milwaukee has been experiencing a big growth in violent crime. The problem of violent crime can be a vexing one, but in Milwaukee's case, I think I've stumbled across the man who is responsible.

Yep, that is Screech, also known as Dustin Diamond. He is apparently a resident of the Milwaukee area, and he's fallen on tough times. It seems that his $250,000 home is about to be foreclosed on. Things are so bad he is selling t-shirts on the internet to raise the funds.

I've gone back to my days as a student to examine this sociological problem and human tragedy. If memory serves me correctly, people are highly influenced by their environments and unlikely to make decisions that defy their environment. That, to me, means the deep, dark evil side that we all knew that Screech had is manifesting itself because of his dire straits. Screech is behind all of the violent crime. Unless a 7 county sales tax is enacted that goes to pay his mortgage, he is going to unleash misery and pain upon the citizens of Milwaukee. Look at the crazed, maniacal look in that face. Be afraid.

But the good Screech is still there, deep down inside. After all, he is giving us the option of buying those t-shirts.

Interestingly, rumor has it the Doyle campaign may mimic the Dustin Diamond strategy of selling t-shirts. Instead of reading "I paid $15 to Save Screech's House," Doyle's t-shirts will say, "I paid $15 dollars to save Doyle's ass." The funds will be used in his campaign. Or for his lawyer fees. Or possibly his bail.

(*Satire*, just for the legal record.)