Terrible crime problem in Eau Claire

Eau Claire, one of Wisconsin's numerous cities in the 60,000 population range, really has terrible crime problems (tounge firmly in cheek). From the Eau Claire Leader Telegram:

A 29-year-old woman called Eau Claire police just before midnight recently to complain about a neighbor in her apartment complex who howls as he enters and exits the building.
.....
The 46-year-old driver motioned to the officer to come over to his vehicle.

Before the officer had a chance to say anything to the man, he opened the door to his vehicle and said, “I’m too drunk to drive.”
.....
A 21-year-old woman called Eau Claire police recently to report that several teens were playing pranks on her and her roommates.

The latest prank occurred when an opened can of ravioli, along with a stack of crackers, was set up on a grill in front of the woman’s apartment door.

That's right, folks. Watch yourself in Eau Claire. You may turn yourself in for drunk driving, find food splattered on your doorstep, or be subject to a howling. I'm pretty sure these stories are going to have a huge impact on Eau Claire tourism. Scary stuff.